“I submitted it late again!? There’s no way I’m gonna pass.”
“I lost my keys!? I’m a complete failure.”
“The pile of homework doesn’t matter, who even needs sleep?”
These sentences may sound absurd, or maybe they completely resonate. How we respond to our daily woes and see the results can completely shape our emotional development. A lot of people believe their value relies on what they do, which can be helpful when needing motivation to do schoolwork, but can ultimately cause unhealthy stress and a feeling of worthlessness when we inevitably fall short of expectations.
So with negativity as the norm, how can we bring back positivity? The road looks different for everyone, but here are some guidelines:
Adopt a growth mindset
A growth mindset takes a situation usually seen as a failure, and instead views it as an opportunity for growth. Feeling rage and disappointment doesn’t form a healthy foundation. A growth mindset takes the situation, acknowledges what went wrong and how to do better next time.
Having a growth mindset not only gives more opportunity to improve, but also leads to people being more fair to themselves.
Let’s say you’re unloading the dishwasher and a plate slips right out of your hand, shattering all over the floor. What is there to learn from this? What used to be a household object is now a mess to clean up.
Applying a growth mindset to this situation is realizing that in the future, you will now value fragile items more and have more caution, not wanting to repeat the mistake.
Break negative thinking patterns
Just like how Rome was not built in a day, you cannot flip a switch and suddenly have your mind free from negative thoughts. The key to lowering negativity in everyday life is a mix of recognizing negative thoughts in the moment and deciding whether to ignore them or to confront them.
There is a common belief that subduing thoughts is unhealthy in the long run, but there is a difference between temporarily suppressing thoughts until a healthy outlet can be found, and bottling up emotions.
A popular idea in modern psychology is that by confronting negative thoughts, people can have more control over their headspace. This does have its benefits, but can grow tiring over time. Another effective way of dealing with negative thoughts is suppressing them.
It is helpful to limit negative thoughts as they arise; however, to go even further and eliminate what makes thoughts that way in the first place reduces long term anxiety and stress.
Looking at the mundane things and enjoying beauty in the ordinary is a great way to widen scope and perspective. Feeling a gust of wind blow on a shirt, admiring the way light falls on buildings and the way branches sprawl out from trees are examples of things people can observe and find beauty in.
Changing a mindset is a slow transformation, taking small steps every day toward building something better. Each time you feel anger or frustration, take it as an opportunity to understand what makes you feel that way.
Stop negative self talk
It is already hard dealing with the difficulties of everyday life, so why go through the extra trouble of self berating? There is evidence that limiting negative self talk can reduce stress, showing practical benefits that can help every day.
Just because it might be easy to blame oneself for difficulties that arise, that does not make it right or healthy; in fact, this way of thinking does not lead to growth. Remember that you are not the only imperfect person in the family, in school or in the community, and give yourself some grace.
Scolding yourself for something as simple as not getting out of bed on time can make you view the whole day through a gloomy lens. Saying a sarcastic comment mocking your own intelligence when you get a question wrong can plant seeds of self-doubt that become difficult to overcome when left unchecked.
Ending this cycle of negative thoughts and using what you know about having a growth mindset will allow for self-acceptance and shift the focus to improving rather than failure.
Catch the thought
When reality becomes so harsh that negativity cannot be suppressed or ignored, these thoughts must be confronted. Catching strong negative thoughts and not accepting them as the full truth is essential to staying grounded in the full picture. Remember that failures are opportunities for growth.
Let’s say you are home alone and relaxing. Parents open the house door and you remember you forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. Spiraling in a moment like this is very easy because of high stress. Instead, try taking hold of the conscious and slowing down. When everything is rapid, the best thing to do is to slow down. This helps re-analyze and lower stress. There will probably be some disappointment for being forgetful, but coming forth to apologize and being honest is the best thing to do, and might even score you some points.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Believing your current happiness can be sacrificed to obtain a great future is a mindset doomed to fail. Building a strong mindset when you are young will set you up for great success.
Remember that what might feel like a heavy burden to you can be as light as a feather for someone else. There is nothing wrong with looking to others for help with mental struggle, no matter the scale.
By following a path of growth, you can build a strong moral character. Take steps every day to treat yourself with more respect, hold yourself accountable and have a full perspective of what is happening, not focusing on the negativity. See every “failure” as an opportunity to grow and overcome, and remember that your mindset shapes you, and you shape your future.
