Yesterday, before meeting my date, I unplugged my wired headphones, to show her how much I respected women, but much to my surprise, my phone started blasting “Juna” by Clairo. I scrambled to turn it off, and in the process, I knocked the matchas I had ordered us (from a local coffee shop) off the table. I reached into my tote bag for napkins, but all I had were pads and tampons. I had no choice but to wipe up the spill with the pages of my coveted feminist literature. It was awful.

If this sounds like your typical Tuesday, I’ve got news for you: You’re a performative male. 

The term “performative male” has been making waves on social media for the past few months across several social media platforms. Some would even say the trend was spreading like matcha seeping through a book page…

But what exactly makes someone “performative,” and why have these try-hards become the internet’s punching bag?

Performative males are men who take on more feminine traits and interests in an attempt to seem more appealing to women. Because, apparently, the only things that make a good partner are knee-length jorts and a Laufey vinyl collection.

 By thrifting vintage flannels and debating the best matcha whisking techniques, these men attempt to communicate that they are more refined and more emotionally in-tune than their peers. 

Hallmarks of performative men include but are not limited to:

Jorts,

Matcha,

Listening to artists with primarily female audiences (i.e. Clairo, Laufey, Beabadoobee),

Wired headphones,

Feminist literature,

Cropped flannels and

Tote bags.

These items and habits are supposed to represent desirable (and rare) traits in today’s dating scene… like open-mindedness, empathy, refined taste and sensitivity. But some men have only caught onto women’s responses to the traits, rather than the reasons for their standards.

Because of this, instead of putting in the work to improve oneself and actually become what a woman needs, some men have turned to performativism in an attempt to charm girls instead (Clairo, anybody?).

And so, the stereotypical “performative male” archetype was born. The trend following the term is characterized by thousands of parodies, how-to guides, “POV” skits, bingo cards, and even real life look alike contests.

And though this archetype seems too ridiculous to be true, it truly is based on many women’s real-life experiences. Their dates may not have arrived with Beabadoobee vinyls in tote (literally), but they instead might have dressed in a style that they knew women found more appealing, pretended to be well-versed in women’s issues or photoshopped their Spotify Wrapped.

The trend took off for this very reason. Something about watching bastardized characterizations of our exes get absolutely dragged on-screen is cathartic. Through Instagram Reels and TikToks, women all around the world have found solace in the trend.

“Wait, that sounds just like my ex…” “Was that really the guy I was crying over..? Oh, God…”

Men, too, have been made victims of this trend. In their replies to posts, you will find guys mourning their friends who will no longer hop on the game with them because they are too busy discussing the most ethical tote bag brand or reviewing the latest Sabrina Carpenter release (it’s a ten out of ten in case you were wondering).

Overall, the trend serves as an indicator of the power of humor—showing that satire can turn even the most annoying things into something great. 

Furthermore, it shows us that we are not alone. If you fell for a man who swindled you with “The Woman in Me” in one hand and a medium matcha (the lightest possible, with the most milk and sugar) in the other, not only should you be entitled to financial compensation, but you are also not the only one.