Just Joshin: Lot of headaches

Just Joshin is a humor column by staff reporter Joshua Krob that mocks aspects of school life.

photo by Areli Smith

Just Joshin is a humor column by staff reporter Joshua Krob that mocks aspects of school life.

The dreaded start to the day for a lot of upperclassmen: the parking lot. This teensy lot, meant to serve what used to be a smaller town, is always a nightmare to enter. Just getting into the lot is painful enough—only made worse by reckless 17-year-olds cutting the line and lost substitute bus drivers who took the wrong turn on East McCulloch Road, jumping the curb.

As most students who enter through the student lot can attest, it can be like petting a rabid raccoon, difficult and painful. The roads surrounding the school turn drivers into the very pinnacle of the “Florida Man,” to the point where it wouldn’t be surprising if there was an old guy noodling for catfish in the retention pond out front.

The lines are always terrible, constantly backing up so far you’d think it was Chick-Fil-A’s lunch rush, but instead it’s just a bunch of overzealous parents, who must have got their driver’s license from the Dollar Tree toys section, attempting to drop students off. And when, at long last, you finally get into the turn lane, you face drivers who decided to park on the curb or in the middle of the line and are getting into a verbal altercation with an admin. But if you are finally able to reach the lot without being rear-ended, you still aren’t out of the woods. 

In the lot, the drivers cut through remaining open spots, oblivious to anyone else. Mixed with the drivers who love to go the wrong way through the lanes and stare into the oncoming cars’ headlights and block traffic, all make this lot seem more like a badly timed synchronized swimming performance than a functioning school parking lot. 

With the number of crazy student and desperate parent drivers, it is no wonder that Instagram groups like “hagertyhsbadparking” have come about, with drivers willing to tear their bumper off just to get *that* spot, anything to cement their name as a bonafide Floridian.

It’s not like there’s a solution to these dilemmas. The parking lot will never run smoothly, unless drivers start signing up for arrival and departure slots like a Disney Fast Pass. So just suck it up and deal with your theme-park lines and bumper cars fighting for the best spot.