You are your bagel choice


photo by Bethany Barker

Charcasm is a reoccurring column where Online Editor Charlotte Mansur, voices her opinions on unique topics.

Nothing beats the smell of a freshly toasted bagel. The aroma is enough to risk burnt fingertips while trying to safely extract the golden ring out of a smoking toaster. It is worth it for a perfectly crisp on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside. There is no better breakfast than a good bagel, but like any good food, there are various flavors that can make or break the treat. You can tell a person’s personality based on their bagel preferences, and some are better than others.

If you order an everything bagel, for example, odds are you are a pretty cool person. People who can handle that many flavors all at once have to be able to handle a lot of different situations, and are often the peacemakers of every friend group. Like their favorite bagel, they stand out of a crowd, but are just basic enough for almost everyone to love them. 

The same can not be said for those who find themselves reaching for a cinnamon raisin. I’m going to put this gently, because I don’t think cinnamon-raisin lovers realize the harmful effect they have on society. They are the type of people to stake out at a crowded Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon with their six textbooks and a laptop, scowling at anyone who even dares to talk within a six-foot radius. Cinnamon raisin bagels, and those who eat them, are pretentious and lack any flavor or quality to back up their behavior. 

This is not to slander regular cinnamon bagels, they are not created equally. I can respect a person who gets a cinnamon crunch bagel. Even though they may have the maturity of an 8-year-old, these people are usually pretty fun and add life to any party. This goes for blueberry bagel people, too. Bagels are probably not their go-to breakfast, they would much rather be snacking on leftover halloween candy or a straight up cupcake. There is a good chance you will find them at a Dunkin drive-through every morning getting an iced latte with 20 pumps of sweetener and a caramel drizzle. 

On the other side of the spectrum, people who choose whole wheat bagels remind me of Kourtney Kardashian when she tried to throw a sugar-free Candyland party. What is the point? Some things are just not meant to be healthy and should stay as they were. Back off of the bagel and go back to your smoothie bowl.

Finally, those who order plain bagels do not get the credit they deserve. These people are down to earth, and good at almost anything they do. They may not be a main character personality, but they are definitely the reliable best friend. On the flip side, however, they tend to be indecisive. These people are the ones to spend 40 minutes deciding what they want at a restaurant, just to order their regular meal.  

The next time you find yourself at a Panera Bread, choose wisely. Your choice reveals the very essence of your character, and is not something that should be taken lightly. Who knows, your asiago bagel could be a stepping stone to a Nobel Peace Prize.